"Smile for Me I'm Crying"

     Keith was carrying Susan sitting in his arms. Deborah had Steven by the hand, and he was toddling along short step by short step. Susan pointed up, and when Keith looked, there was a grey white seagull gliding stationary right above tnem in the wind.

     "Seagull."

       "Seagull." Susan smiled.

     "Let her walk, she's just being lazy." Deborah said sharply.

     So he put her down. And where she had been in his arms became cool in the wind. But Susan only stood reaching up to him with outstretched tiny hands. So Keith picked her up. Then Deborah looked at him sharply. "You spoil her, she's just being lazy."

     Again Susan pointed to the grey white seagull gliding.

     "Seagull."

     "Yes, seagull."

     "Is she bothering you?"

     "No."

     "She's perfectly capable of walking, if she's bothering you."

     "She isn't."

     "Well, she's bothering me, the way she clings to you all the time."

     But Keith continued to carry Susan sitting in his arms. And Susan continued to point to the seagull now and then as though it were a special secret that they alone shared.

     "Seagull."

     "Yes, seagull."

     Honestly, you'd think that she were his daughter, Deborah thought. You'd think that he thinks more of her than he does of me. She's always in his lap, or in his arms. Never far from him. But then he's a hugger. She likes that. He likes to hug. And I like for him to hug me too. I wish he would hug me now. Bill always wanted to do 'that' right away. But Keith likes to hug and hug even if we don't do 'that.' And I like that about him. I like for him to hold me and hold me so close. His arms so strong around me, and me pressed so tight against him. He is immovable, and I am safe. And I like to feel safe.

     The wind blew her black hair around to one side so it whipped out in front. He saw her take fingers and pull the slapping hair from her eyes. When she raised her eyes to his, from looking down at Steven, he felt again the wonder that that face had chosen him. That that face was here finally after so very long.

     What a complicated man, Deborah thought. And he loves us so. And I am glad. And it has been such a beautiful day.

     When the phone rang late one night during the next week, he did not know which one of her it would be.

     "I don't want to be alone."

     "I'll be right there."

     Then Keith knew that Deborah was going away again.

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